After filling ourselves with tasty birthday pancakes we began our girl’s road trip to ‘Candyland’! Who would have thought listening to a Willy Wonka CD was going to be the highlight of our day? We arrive at a candy pink shed-like building complete with a matching pink overall-clad factory worker sucking back on a cigarette in the car park. Hmm… think we should have turned the car around right then but we didn’t want to upset little Looski Pooski. Once inside the building we join a short queue to purchase tickets and hopefully some lunch.
After 15 minutes we are given only two sticker tickets as they have run out and told to choose our food from the menu on the blackboard…. What blackboard? Oh the one we can’t see without leaving the queue. The tall timid ‘elf’ dressed in pink dungarees mumbled something about a limited menu. We settle on 2 Devonshire teas and place our order with the other pink-trousered Elf after joining the queue AGAIN and then take a walk around the many isles of half empty white shelving. Where are all the lollies? asks Looski Pooski… A sign informs us of Santa’s apologies as he is short of Elves… trouble is, it’s already the end of February? I notice a small log cabin in the corner containing a computer desk and a woman painting pink and purple circles on her face.
We decide to take a seat at one of the many plastic jellybean cover tables in anticipation of some delicious scones. Ten or so minutes pass and my pregnant belly is screaming. The second Elf explains we need to place our order with the tall Elf. 5 minutes pass and the second Elf asks us which tea we would like, we choose Earl Grey from an impressive blackboard selection. She soon returns to our table to report that they only have English Breakfast! Another 10 minutes and a flustered Elf is trying to figure out how to fit everything on one tray. Thankfully she gives up and delivers our food on two trays mumbling there is no butter… Can we at least have some cream?
Finally we can eat our food but with only 10 minutes to ‘Showtime’. We cut open our very large hot date scones and layer them with a jam like substance and whipped cream-out-of-a-can. Taragh manages one bite… but I have to persevere with the dry doughy bun, sickly sweet jelly masquerading as jam and slowly disintegrating cream as the baby is kicking me for more fuel.
We rush to finish our tea served in a tiny plunger which held only 1½ cups and reach the ‘castle’ gates just before the 1pm start time. After more minutes of waiting Taragh decides to give Candyland some feedback but is told the manager is unavailable as she is in the show! Soon after the ‘Queen’ opens the gates and welcomes us inside asking us to show our sticker tickets... luckily Looski Pooski’s stickerlessness is undetected and she is allowed to enter. I realize the purple cheeked Queen is the woman from the log cabin and probably the manager. She is mildly entertaining between each crackle of the microphone and explains the ins and outs of a chocolate factory before we enter a second room which is home to the 80 year old candy making machines.
We listen to the Queen explain as the fag break factory worker molds the rock candy with his hands (hope he’s washed them). We are then asked to rise from our seats to make our own lollipop. With much excitement we all race to the floor except for me as I hear a rip and I turn to see my trouser pocket is attached to one of several exposed nails that I now realize run the whole length of the 10 metre seating… there was little chance of escape!
Taragh takes a final photo of Looski Pooski and the Queen and we hurry out of the pink shed to the car and the Oompa Loompa song… heaven. We train little Looski Pooski on the return journey so when asked later by Granny what Candyland was like she replies, a little bit crap!